A Hard Thing To Understand
by ImperfectionIsPerfection
Summary: She's dead. She's dead and they're broken. B R O K E N. They can't be fixed. Not anymore. They're ruined. And now, now it's too late to do anything. Rated T to be safe. Told from Tawni's point of view.


_**A Hard Thing To Understand**_

His world was falling apart. It was falling and he was crumbling. His knees were no longer holding him up, but he didn't care. _I didn't care_. He thought no one was around to see him crumble. To see him hurt. I was, I was around. But he never noticed. He didn't even seem to notice he wasn't noticing. He was _crumbling_. Falling for her harder than he had for any others. That's why this was taking it's _T O L L_ on him. He didn't want this _(neither did she)_.

"You don't always get what you want Chad." Her voice filled his mind all the time. He hadn't been sleeping a great deal either. His parents went on a honeymoon (their second if I'm correct), they aren't back yet either but that isn't what I wanted to say. My parents took him in since he isn't allowed home alone. What kind of 17 year old boy can't live home alone? The 'I can't cook' kind. The 'I break everything I find' kind and most of all, the Chad Dylan Cooper kind.

She was going to become Mrs Chad Dylan Cooper. Well, if he asked her. They weren't dating, but he was going to ask her on a date in 3 days. He asked me for permission. It was to the Music Awards. She would have said yes as well. He knew it, she knew it. Hell, everyone knew it. Then this happened. This tragedy.

**OOO**

"Chad. Just do this scene and we can all go home." He nodded, but didn't reply verbally. I was invited on the set by Portlyn, to see what 'real acting' was. The way she said it made my skin crawl and insides boil. Why couldn't it have happened to Portlyn? She deserved it more. Sonny was a sweetheart.

Chloe had just died, and the episode was based on Makenzie's feelings towards Chloe. Chad was too intense. It was too real for him. This was too real for him. How he was doing it, I had no idea but it must be killing him.

"Chloe." And that's where the acting starts and stops. Everything but her name is real. _Everything_. All he felt (feels) for her, all his love and anger are put in these words. He even wrote the script. He had to. It was dedicated to her. And she was his. _(She knew it too, he didn't have to tell her or even ask. She wanted him as well.)_ It only made sense he do this, no one else could. They wouldn't understand how he felt.

**OOO**

Sonny had to take the bus to Condor Studios. She was later than usual, so everyone else had already set off and arrived at work. Her mum, Connie, had a date the night before and told her daughter she would see her after work. Meaning, no ride.

The bus always freaked her out. Her father had being in an accident while in one. Two cars crashed into the sides of the bus, while a drunk driver was racing down the street with a friend high on drugs. They didn't see the bus though and wedged themselves into the front of it.

Harry Munroe was declared dead 2 hours later. He was seated in the middle of the bus, where one of the cars were stuck in his right side. He couldn't move. By the time the ambulance came and found him, he had lost too much blood. The paramedics tried to revive him, but admitted defeat after 5 minutes. "Other lives are at risk." I imagined them saying. It was true too, about 2/3rds of the people involved died, including all the drivers.

When Sonny got of the bus, she stood for only two minutes staring at the world. Those two minutes killed her. At that exact moment, a car that the driver had lost control of flew onto the street. The driver had abandoned it, but it still moved. Sonny froze with fear, her dad's accident replaying in her head. I wondering if she was scared, or if she was too shocked to be scared. It didn't matter, it wouldn't have changed anything. The car was just rolling forward. Who put a hill here anyway? The car ended up trapping (and securing) Sonny to the building. Chad was on a business trip that day so he never heard her last words. _(I love you Chad.)_ Well,no one heard them but me. She wouldn't let anyone else near her. I was touched by the gesture.

Her death caused a huge scene. Even though she was new to Hollywood, a lot of people liked her. Mr Condor gave everyone the day off to grieve properly, and dedicated the day after that to her. All the shows of Condo Studios would do one special episode dedicated to her. We weren't sure what to do, we were a comedy show. But then we all came up with an idea (a great one at that). We based it on her life. From baby to young adult, with Connie's help, supervision _(and permission)_. The day dedicated to her was hard. It was hard for all of us. Even the people who didn't know her.

**OOO**

"Chad! Snap out of it. Hello? Earth to Chaddy?" He snapped. His veins throbbed. Pulsing and beating. So fast. So blinding. "Portlyn!" I never knew Chad could shout that loud. "Get off the stage." No one dared correct him, that it wasn't a stage but a parking lot.

It was too close, too soon. He was too close to her. His little ball of sunshine. I watched him break down. Everyone left but me. He leaned on my shoulder, accepting my small gesture. "It's okay Chad. Just close your eyes. It'll all be okay." How, his small voice replied. It broke me to see him so sad, so hurt, so ruined. It was all too soon. It was all so upsetting, so wrong.

"Come on. Let's go for a walk." I lead him away, his hand gripping mine in comfort. We walked away from civilisation. We walked away from everything he's known, _we've known_ all our lives. The walk cleared our minds. It was nice, different, peaceful.

There were no over-actors _(Portlyn)_, no awkward laughs _(Nico)_ and no watchful eyes prying, seeing if we finally broke beyond repair. We passed that already. I'm living for him. He needs me. No one else understands how much it hurts. Even my cast. They're strong enough to put on a brave face. _We're not._

**OOO**

Watching her be put in the ground was the hardest thing I've ever done. It flooded me. I was out of tears. It seemed only Chad and I were the ones with red faces. The tears flowed from everyone but us.

I crumbled the dirt in my hand, wishing it was harder to crush. I needed something, pain, anything. I needed to feel. I'm numb now. I'm sure Chad is too. The pain and despair is still here, the grief but I'm too used to it. I need to feel.

The dirt was thrown as the priest said a hymn or a poem, something along those lines. I wouldn't listen to it. It was too happy, too sunny (Sonny). I fled, no seconds though. I was suffocating.

I fled when Chad needed me the most. He couldn't flee. _Wouldn't._ He couldn't have moved if he wanted to. That's when I should have known. He couldn't live without Sonny. I opened his apartment door, taking in the blood, knife and note.

**Tawni,**

**I'm sorry. I couldn't do it anymore. Forgive me. I'll see you in the afterlife with Sonny.**

**CDC**

I should have saw it coming. I couldn't have saved him. He was too deep in his sorrows. He was the only thing I had. The only thing keeping me numb. My feelings came back forcefully, knocking the breath out of me. I couldn't take this. I cant live with it. Its too much. It's just too much.

**Two Teenagers Found Dead**

Late last night, Chad Dylan Cooper and Tawni Hart were found dead at his apartment. They left two suicide notes. Sonny Munroe kept them alive. Without her, the pair couldn't take it. I give my condolences to their families, friends and Condor Studios, who have now lost three amazing people.


End file.
